This was never the plan.
I wanted to be onstage. I was a pastor and a musician and had hopes of traveling far and wide. I wanted to be a mother, but later on. After the travel, after the career, simply after. However, like most things in my life, God had other plans. In fact, I am not really sure anything in my life is how I thought it would turn out.
When my husband and I got married, I was blessed to become a stepmom to his 10 -year-old son. At the age of 24, I came to learn how much love I could have for a child who I did not give birth to and who was mine but also another’s. It was at this time that I became pregnant with my son, Elliot. Two and a half years later, we welcomed Owen. Our family was complete. I would continue in my ministry job, be able to speak and travel, all while raising our three sons. When Owen was almost a year old, my ministry career ended, my grandmother, with whom I was extremely close, passed away, and I felt that life was falling apart.
I was mad at God. This was not at all the plan. I loved my husband and my children, but I could not help but feel a sense of emptiness. I did not know then that God would take my emptiness and fill it will a new passion and calling as well as two new loves. It was in May of 2015 that my husband and I received a call out of the blue, asking us to adopt a child that would be born in only three months. While we had discussed adoption in the past, it wasn’t part of the plan. However, we knew in this moment that the answer was yes. It was 100% yes. This was the new plan. This plan was not ours but fully meant for us. We finalized our second adoption this past September.
With every change of plans, every turn I did not know I was going to take, every loss, every heartbreak, I feel now that I am exactly where I need to be. Now a mother to five beautiful children, a writer and adoption advocate, I am not where I ever wanted to be, but I am where I feel whole and fulfilled more than I ever could have before. God’s hand in your adoption story can be found in the twists and turns. He is found in the heartache and the pain as much as in the joy and fulfillment.
God doesn’t promise that our adoption journey will be easy, but that He will hold us through it. Adoption journeys can see failed matches, strains to relationships, and financial strife. Adoption journeys can also see incredible joy and some of the best moments of your life. Don’t let the bad make you lose sight of God’s hand in these valleys. He has not gone missing in the valleys. He is there as clearly as we see and praise Him when we are on the hills. He takes the emptiness, the brokenness, and makes these things new and whole again. God took the mess that was my life and filled it more than I ever could have imagined. This life was never the plan, but God’s hand in this journey is beautifully present in every high and every low as we continue our journey through adoption.
Are you ready to pursue adoption? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to connect with compassionate, nonjudgmental adoption specialists who can help you get started on the journey of a lifetime.
